It's been a long long time but here is an update

Zack, Where do I start after talking to you Zack Crisp. All your life you have only heard one side of what happened to you and your sister. I would like to tell you what happened from not only mine, but social services account as well. But first, I would like to reiterate that I was not aware of any abuse done to you by anyone living in my house, when your mother took you away. So I will start with the following, Do I know of any sexual predators? Yes I do, A 22 year old woman (your mother) who groomed a 17 year old boy (your father) from california while she was married to another man living in Louisiana. (your sister's dad). She had him come and stay with her then husband and her. She did this by convincing him that she had Leukemia. Funny there is no medical records of her ever having it. There is no cure, so it should still show up if she did have it. She then proceeded seduce him and quit taking birth control in order to trap him into a relationship with her. Then he brought her, pregnant with you, your sister Rhiannon back to california and I helped as best as I could. So if anyone was a predator it was your mother. Later after I left my abusive husband and was living in Palm Springs, I had My son, your mother, and you move into the apartment behind mine, so that we could share phone and internet and I could help you all out. The whole time you guys lived behind me, your father was either at work or sleeping so that he could goto work. I took you guys shopping kept you clothed (when your mother put clothes on you) and tried to take care of you all the best I could while working a full time job myself. In the meantime, your mother once again quit her contraceptives and got pregnant on purpose to ensnare your father once again. Thus, your younger Medea was born. Every time I would go over to your house, both you and Medea were tied up in high chairs while your mother was playing a video game called Second Life. Your face would be dirty, half the time you both would be in crappy diapers. You couldn't even walk into the house there was so much crap and dirty dishes lying around. I moved away (was not a smart decision on my part, but I will live with that decision. I moved to Palmdale, Ca. Your mother and father got into a fight. Your mother left the state to go visit a man friend in Chicago. Your father called me and said he was going to file for divorce and he wanted to keep you both. I gave him the money to retain a lawyer. In the meantime, he needed someone to watch you and Medea for a couple of weeks. I took time off from work to take care of you both. When your father brought you and your sister to me, your teeth were rotten to your gums and you were very unruly because you were in so much pain. Your sister, we knew something was wrong with her but we didn't know what. While I had you for those two weeks, you had no toys, no clothes, no nothing. I spent money I didn't have to provide for you. I called the Welfare department to see how I could get you both the medical help you needed. (You guys hadn't had any childhood immunization shots or anything) I was told there was nothing I could do without the parents being there. Your father calls me and tells me about 2 days before he is supposed to pick you both up that he has had a mental breakdown due to your mom and their living situation and he can't take care of you, cause he can't even take care of himself now. I'm supposed to go back to work on Monday. I can't take care of you guys either at this point with such short notice. I called your mom and asked her to come back and get you guys, because I couldn't take care of you. She wouldn't because of the divorce preceedings. I wanted you guys to have at least one parent in your life. I needed to get your medical care, you needed a dentist and I still didn't know what was wrong with Medea. But in those two weeks I had you both I only got one shower. I couldn't leave Medea alone for a minute or she was into everything and I was beside myself. I called CPS and talked to them. I was willing to keep you because at least I could reason with you. Medea ended up being severaly mentally incapicitated. I was told by CPS that either I gave you both up or neither of you. I was not what Medea needed in care. I couldn't provide the right type of care for her. So I was forced to give you both up to get you the medical help you needed. They tried to keep you together in the same homes. But nobody could handle Medea. So they had to go for a special type of home that they could not put you in. So as soon as they split you and Medea up, I then had to petition to get you back out of the foster care system. Which I did and you came back to me as soon as was able. I was living with my boss who was abusive, but his wife took care of you while I was at work. Eventually it got so bad, that I cashed in what money I had left, (my retiement) to remove us all from that situation. Your mother had finally came back and I let her move in with me, so that she could try and get you back, because I wanted you to have at least one of your parents. I moved Bill in a few weeks later as we had been dating. I had no idea that you were being abused and I assume your didn't either, or I would've expected her to come to me and tell me. After being molested myself at 6 years old there is no way I would have put up with that. So neither your mother nor your father was parent of the year. I was not grand parent of the year either and never pretended to be. I don't know what story you have been told, but perhaps you should talk to your mother's mother as well. Your mother in her childhood suffered from a mental illness known as RAD Reactive attachment disorder. Your mother lied to everyone about her Leukemia diagnosis. She knowingly started a relationship with a minor waiting until he was 18 to send the bus ticket to get him to Louisiana. I could do nothing. Sometimes Zack we do the best we can with what we have at our disposal at the time. But you sure have a lot of hate towards me when I did nothing but tried to help you keep at least one parent in your life. I hope someday you find this and read this and then perhaps email me and we can start to get to know one another for reals. I have never stopped loving you, while you might not believe of this, I can guarantee there are records in califonia that will say different. But if you need to have a villian in your story for you to be alright, then I guess I'll stay the villian on your story.

Easter

Wow it has been awhile since I have written on the blog. I have lost 20lbs. so far this year and have quite a few more to go. I'm working hard and have been having a lot of trouble with my back lately.

It's time for another set of shots for my back.

Well it's almost Easter and I miss my granddaughter. I remember coloring eggs with her and Lucy, and oh let's not forget the bunny toy that pooped out jelly beans. It was priceless. lol

Meghan I miss you terribly and think about you all the time. I will never stop loving you and missing you.

Until someday when I get to speak to you, take care my little princess (and yes it doesn't matter how old or how big you get you will always be nana's little princess).

I love you Meghan Crisp with all my heart.

Love Nana

First post of 2011

Well this is my first post of 2011. I look back on 2010 and hope this year is better than the last.

I am living alone again with just Sandi (my dog) and 2 cats. I am going to make it just fine by myself. Looking forward to the new year and a place I can call my own.

I don't have to cater to anyone anymore. My grocery bill has dropped significally and I'm eating healthier on top of that.

I have lots of friends, lots of knitting, lots of audio book listening, exercising and tv watching in my future.

Work is going good, just crossed a major hurdle in configuring Exchange 2010 to work in conjunction with Exchange 2003 and I have a feeling this year is my year to be me.

Well that's about all for my first post of 2011. Till the next post comes out, over and out.

Jackie Butzbach (Jackson)

p.s. I love you Meghan Crisp

Christmas Presents for Meghan Crisp

Meghan Crisp my dear Granddaughter this is what nana made you for christmas in 2010.

Your mother refused the package and below I will post where it was refused so that she can't say it was never received.

I love you dearly Meghan Crisp and hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year.

Someday you will know that nana has never forgotten you and that she will always love you.

I love you baby girl. Nana thinks about you daily and wonders how tall you've grown, how beautiful you are now. I miss you each and every day Meghan.

Love always,

Nana

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Label/Receipt Number: 2305 0270 0000 5630 1796
Expected Delivery Date: December 15, 2010
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Service(s): Signature Confirmation™
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Your item was refused by the addressee at 3:38 pm on
December 21, 2010 in CHICAGO, IL 60637 and is being
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Thinking about Meghan Hypatia Crisp

Not a day goes by that I don't think of Meghan with her laughter and fondness of making things funny.

Something funny happens and I hear Meghan singing "All I wanna do is eat your brains" and it makes me laugh. I see clover in my yard and I think of the time we sent you out to find the 4 leaf clover. Boy did u ever try.

I think about all the food Sandi stole from you. She still misses you.

Out shopping

Today I am out shopping for Xmas presents and spending time with my friend. We have so much fun together



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Bakersfield

Hurting - Meghan Crisp I love you

Once again I have tried to repair damage to a relationship so that I could just be a grandmother again to Meghan Crisp.

Once again I have been called a stalker and a few other names of which I will post about. For your information GRMcIntyre I do not think Meghan Crisp belongs to me, but I do know for a fact that she is my granddaughter.

I only want to be a grandmother to her and since you won't even talk to me how can we ever get past this?

Do you really think I want Meghan to read all of this someday? No I don't. I'd rather work it out between the two of us and take all of this down.

But I will not let her grow up thinking Nana wanted nothing to do with her. I don't even know if she is getting presents I'm sending.

I don't want to take her away from you I just want to be a grandma. Is that so hard for you to understand? You wouldn't even have her today if it wasn't for me taking you in. I did this because I knew that she needed her mommie.

Yes there has been harsh words between us and hurtful things but I am grown up enough to push it all aside for the sake of my granddaughter are you?

Or are you still bent on so much revenge in the past that you can't let your daughter be loved by anyone but you?

Below are the hurtful words you said about me. Yes I can still see them even though you blocked me.

I really don't Meghan to read this, however Nana has tried and tried and she just wants phone contact with her granddaughter.

Coyo
You know, I'm starting to think my presence on the internet is a bad thing. *blocks yet another stalking account*
Recent plurk responses:

Eponymis jealous of even *that* sort of attention

Surreal *stalks you*

Lippmann the internet is bad

Coyosays Surreal, I wouldn't mind you because you are not a dwarfish butterball psycho freakazoid who thinks my daughter belongs to you. very hurtful to say about your former mother in law who helped you get your daughter back from DCFS when I could've really made it hard on you.

TracerGraves shit, gotta crate another account now

Coyosays Tracer FPRIVATE "TYPE=PICT;ALT=:-o"

Coyosays I thought you were a tall brawny motherfucker!

TracerGraves dunno about tall and brawny, but apparently I like to crate accounts

Lippmann crate it up, ship it out, bro

Wild and Crazy Weekend.

Ok Dolores and I got crazy this weekend and got tattoos.

I cannot believe I did this. lol

Meghan Crisp

Meghan,

Nana misses you soo much. I just wanted to let you know nana is thinking about you.

I hope you had a great halloween and got lots and lots of candy.

I love you baby girl.

Love Nana (aka Jackie Butzbach)

Xmas Presents

Working on some new knitting Christmas presents for my granddaughters.

Meghan and Medea Crisp.

I got to see Medea last weekend and it was nice. I miss Meghan and wish I could see her as well.

Oh well maybe sometime.

Love you both my wonderful Granddaughters.

Love Nana